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My last entry I told how my things have been going down after my friend pasted away about a month ago. But somehow I managed to go on, like people always do. I realize my life must keep going without her even if it's painful. She will always live in my memories and one day I will meet her again.
But anyway, my drawing skills are coming back and so did my inspiration to do new things. And that new thing is, tatatattaa! Mass Effect!
I know some people think that gaming isn't for girls, but I really don't care what other think about it. I just love some good old school fighting games like Tekken-series and fantasy or scifi games like Skyrim and Half Life 1 & 2 (Final Fantasy-games are big exception. I hate them, ugh.). I've even played Amnesia: The Dark Decent through a couple of times just for fun. But last week was my first time I ever played Mass Effects. Of course I have heared them before but never really tried one. And I LOVE it! A game system is good, story interesting and character desing amazing (especially with aliens). Okey, game itself is a bit old and graphics not best ones around but it won't ruin the game for me. To me it's the best scifi game I have played in long time.
I got so deep in to that game I kinda forgot that I was sad and I even get some inspiration to do some fanart of the game. So little by little I started to feel better and now I kicking quite well. Even my friends said I look much happier now. Ou, I can't even wait to get play ME 2 & 3. Wanna some more Garrus and Liara conversation.
And they said that gaming is bad for kids, hah!
I already told this in my DevianArt journal but I feel like I need to tell about it here too. It's not like I want to scream it to the whole world and I don't expect anyone to be interested in this but writing and talking about it makes me feel better somehow.
About two weeks ago now (still feels like couple days to me) one of my dearest friend died, on the valentine day, on her birthday. It came as a horrible surprise because she was all healthy, beautiful and happy-goes-lucky type of person, how would have hurt anyone and loved having fun. But still she died and there's nothing I can do about it.
After that happened, I kind of lost my ability to draw or more like I forgot how to. It's not like I didn't try or want to make pictures rather the opposite. I feel like I have to draw this feeling out of my systems. But I can't. Every time I take a pen in my hand and try to do something my head hits empty or my hand start to shake. And if I'm able to get something done the end results are all wrong and scrappy. It is awful and frustrating... Even at school the movie project of me and my friend has been delayed, because I can't do make-ups and masks properly. Of course my friends understand me but it's still embarrassing. I can even draw in my notebooks in class or those little fake tattoos that I used to draw in the hands of my friends for boredom. I really don't know what to do about it. It's just all mess.
I think this goes away with time, but how long I need to wait? Weeks? Months? Or should I just keep on trying and force this out of me? I don't know.
All I know is I'm damn tired of these feelings, these sadness, anger and numbness. I want to be happy and go on living and enjoy it. I want to draw and feel the flow I get off it. And I know she would want that too.
But I need little bit more time, just a little. And maybe I get over this before summer comes and maybe I learn to draw again. Time will tell, hopefully. Hopefully.
Miss u so much Jassu. Rest in peace, my dear angel <3
Once again is that time of year: the Cruises season of high school students. Dear lord where have I gotten into. Again.
In Finland many school have these so called 'ykkös-ristely' (First year cruise), 'wanhoje-risteily' (old-school cruise to seacond year students) and 'Abi-ristely' (last year cruise, where me and over 1000 other last year students and teachers headed to last night). Basicly we go to a two-day or 24h cruise with all same year students and party all night (or just get drunk and damn wasted). And let me tell you, when finnish people get something which contains alcohol, party hell is loose.
In my school cruises have traditionally been very, well, wild (but so much fun!) and every singel time I promise myself I won't go there again or at least I won't drink so much. But here I'm having horrible hangover again, trying to recall what happend last night. Thank God we have winter holydays.
Will I ever learn?
Nice to meet you, Newgrounders!
This's my first blog/journal/news/entry/thank-you-mess age (I don't even know what is this anymore!), so be nice and excuse my awful grammar. My native language isn't English, but I'm working on it ok? :)
BUT at first, I want to thank heavyrain how offered to scout me. I only signed up two days ago and I got something like this already (so fast...). It makes me really happy, so thank you very much dude!
I'm working on a movie project at school right now and my final exams are coming, so they will keep me super busy next couple of months. Sadly it's liveaction movie (only in Finnish) and I can't put it in here when it's done but we'll publish it on YouTube as soon as we can.
As many of you may have been noticed, it has been f*cking cold lately here in Europe (Right now it's over -19'C out there and damn windy. Well that wind came from Siperia, what did we expect, but still this's too much!). Top of that, today our house's water pipes got frozen and blocked. Visiting in the bathroom and washing normally can't be done at least until Tuesday and now is Sunday. Lovely~
Trust me, people may learn to valuate things when they lost them, like a normal indoor bathrooms or district heating.